Tag Archives: LDS

Proverbs 31 Woman: The Wife & Mom I Want to Be

Since starting my new position as Domestic Engineer for our family, I haven’t found my groove. I am really struggling to find purpose, meaning, and worth in this new life. While I am a home body, I have never been particularly motivated to do any (like ANY) chores, planning, or crafts outside of my own random ideas. Since I had no mom friends, I looked to mom bloggers for ideas on how to be an excellent mother and wife, while also living a fulfilling and meaningful life.

I’ve been seeing lots of posts about “Being A Proverbs 31 Woman” so I figured, I’d crack open my Bible and check out this passage (Proverbs 31:10-31). I was impressed. The description of a Godly woman in Proverbs 31 is the PERFECT woman and wife. She is a supporter of her husband, a provider for her family, charitable and loving, but also strong and empowered.

This is a woman who is a great model for not only Christian wives, but all wives and mothers. This ideal woman is a far cry from the mousey, subservient one that I’ve always envisioned when pastors and Bible study groups discuss Godly women. She is someone who I would love to know and aspire to be. This passage is truly a turning point for me on my spiritual journey.

10 Virtues of a Proverbs 31 Woman from avirtuouswoman.org

I had avoided churches and religion since I was a teenager. I never quite felt that I fit in or that the messages taught were even applicable to my life. Understanding and believing in God, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost, and salvation through Jesus’ atoning sacrifice were easy to swallow and understand. Teachings of life-living and the dreaded “when you’re married” lessons were where they lost me. What 15-year-old wants to be submissive and silent to a hypothetical husband?

In my home growing up, my parents’ marriage was unhealthy and abusive. I had seen a wife who was combative, resentful, bitter, unforgiving, and broken. My model of marriage and family was not anything near the fantasy tales of biblical relationships. The way I had seen it, marriage and family was an “every man for himself” kind of game. My interest and enthusiasm for church and faith deteriorated as my health did, at the same time that life at home had truly become a war zone.

Here I am, 3 years into motherhood, desperately wishing that I knew how to be a loving wife, mother, and productive Keeper-of-the-Home. I’d shied away from potential mom friends since I was pregnant. All were nice, and though we shared experiences like young motherhood, breastfeeding, and locale, there was no “spark” or potential for a lasting friendship.

The few early twenties moms like myself don’t share my holistic and homesteader ideals, but at the same time “older” moms treat me like a child, a project that needs guidance and OBVIOUSLY can’t be doing a good job because of her youth. I needed to expand my horizons and seek fellowship with moms and families that I can share experiences with and seek guidance from. But where are these mystical unicorns of families? We live in rural suburbia, where people work, watch high school football, and go to church!

Here in Fallbrook, there is a whole section of town saturated with churches: Lutheran, Catholic, Episcopalian, Mormon, and 3 Baptist churches, mostly on the same street. Since joining the LDS church, I have met so many moms and wives that embody the Proverbs 31 woman. I love that the Church encourages equal partnership between husband and wife. Now, I am surrounded by families that exemplify unity, shared responsibilities, and place value on homemaking and motherhood.

Am I a Proverbs 31 woman yet? No, not really. My house is messy, I’m exhausted with pregnancy and chasing Autumn around. I am, however, more confident in my abilities in the home and more driven to be an equal partner with my husband. I still strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman, not *for* my husband or anyone else, but for myself.


SOAP and Scripture Study

“Read your scriptures!” this statement is probably the 2nd most common admonition in the LDS Church (second to “pray always”). When I was considering baptism and a SUPER new convert, I read my scriptures nearly around the clock. One day, about halfway through 1 Nephi, I realized that even though I had read the pages, I could barely describe the events, let alone the spiritual significance of Lehi’s family fleeing Jerusalem. I knew I needed to find a better method for actually studying my scriptures; the message and personal meaning needed to break through.


A quick Pinterest search for “Scripture Study” will reveal countless posts on flash cards, study guides, and Bible Journaling (which is awesome and totally on my list of things to try), but one suggestion pops up frequently: SOAP.

What? What does soap have to do with scriptures or studying? SOAP is an acronym: Scripture, Observation, Application, and Prayer/Ponder. SOAP is a great tool to break down important passages and verses that just stick out to you. Let’s see it in action…


Scripture: What is the verse/passage that you are struck by?

“I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded.”—1 Nephi 3:7

Observation: What is happening? Why does this stick out to you?

Nephi follows Heavenly Father’s commandments, even though the task is hard and he is discouraged by his brothers

Application: How does this verse apply to my life?

The commandments given by Heavenly Father to His church and Saints can seem overwhelming and unattainable. I know that we are never asked to do more than we can; we must try to follow the commandments, even when we don’t think we can.

Prayer/Ponder: Pray on the passage, ponder-ize its meaning and how you can incorporate the scripture into your life. Get personal, honest, and on your knees before Heavenly Father

Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the blessings of your words through the scriptures. I want to be more courageous and valiant in my testimony. Help me to stand for my faith and follow your commands without hesitation. Let the Spirit flourish in my heart that I may hear your promptings and act in faith. Help me to walk in righteousness so that I may always have the companionship of the Holy Ghost. In the name of your son, Jesus Christ, amen.

Hit the (Good) Book

SOAP works for all forms of scripture study, not just in the Book of Mormon, as shown here. You don’t have to get crazy deep with it, but being true and honestly reflecting on what the verses mean to YOU will make your study more meaningful, help you memorize, and fulfill the purpose of having God’s word on Earth: to learn.

SOAP can be adapted to “normal” study as well. I don’t have a fancy acronym for secular applications, but using the basic premise of Read, Summarize, Apply, and Reflect can help make any topic (even in math!) sink in a little deeper with some critical thinking.

Do you have a study method (faith-based or not) that helps you think critically and more deeply about reading materials? Do you struggle with reading comprehension or other barriers that a study method has helped with? Share your ideas!


My High-Risk Pregnancy: Week 4

Change of Heart

After Autumn was born I struggled with Post Partum Depression and began having seizures. I was put on medications, had to stop nursing and lost my Driver’s License. I was devastated, scared, and certain that I would never be physically, emotionally, or mentally ready for another child. I had all but decided that Autumn would forever be a Singleton. Slowly (very slowly) I began to miss the baby days.

At the beginning of this year, Matt and I began discussing the possibility of adding another member to our family, addressing my fears about the potential impact my health and medications would have on a fetus. We were able to separate my irrational fears from the actual medical concerns that surround epilepsy and pregnancy. In March, we decided that we were ready to have another baby, like ASAP.

I was able to go off of my most risky medication and was given some much-needed reassurance from doctors that more than likely I would be able to have a safe, healthy, yet high-risk pregnancy. The odds were in my favor. We were ready!

Big Fat Positive

I woke up on Monday morning feeling off. I had a weird dream (which is especially odd for me since I don’t often remember my dreams) and felt uncharacteristically sick, like I had the stomach flu. Something inside me knew that I was pregnant.

Conveniently I had a pregnancy test in the medicine cabinet. While Matt and Autumn were still waking up, I took the test. I anxiously watched the dumb little windows on the test and had to pinch myself when I saw the oh so faint line in the “Pregnant” window. I double checked the instructions to make sure I read it correctly. I did. I was almost speechless when I showed Matt the test. We had a Big Fat Positive.

We went to the Women’s Health clinic at my doctor’s office to confirm my test results. I was dated about 3 weeks 3 days along, just barely pregnant. I guess I’m really good at knowing when I’m pregnant; with Autumn I knew around 5 weeks. My Estimated Date of Delivery (EDD) was placed around February 3, 2018.

It’s Really Happening

After we told our parents and siblings, there was business to tend to: I need to find a Maternal Fetal Health specialist that accepts my insurance, can see me before my 6 week mark, and isn’t terribly far from our little rural town outside of San Diego. That’s a pretty tall order.

I have been oddly comforted by the annoying queasiness, food aversions, and mood swings (sorry Matt). These symptoms remind me that there’s really a bun in my oven. Since I’ve already been pregnant, I feel way more prepared and ready to face the special obstacles that my high-risk pregnancy carries.


Risky Business

All pregnancies where the mom has active seizures (like me) are considered high-risk, as well as pregnancies where the mom is taking medications known to pose a risk to the growing baby (like my mom had with my brother and me). I will be monitored more frequently than “normal” moms, need more invasive tests, and likely not have all the options for delivery that are offered in low-risk pregnancies.

This time around, I am more focused and dedicated to being the healthiest vessel for my little baby-to-be. I need 5 times as much folate as a typical mom, I need to practice the best self-care I can, and commit to regular exercise. Following these recommendations will help reduce risks caused by my medications, prevent seizures, and help me carry to term.

Heavenly Father cares for all His children, born and unborn

T-Minus 9 Months

Here I stand, at the beginning of a 280 day journey to meeting our new baby. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t scared. Though the statistical odds of me having a healthy, event-free and full term pregnancy are in my favor, the usual concerns of birth defects and other average complications are always in the back of my mind. I try not to dwell on the negative possibilities, especially those related to my unique condition.

I am doing, and will continue to do, everything in my power to give our baby the best chance at a healthy start. I can only control so many factors and worrying about “what ifs” can’t do anything for me other than stress me out. I am educated about the potential risks of my medications and have considered with Matt what these scenarios would mean for our family. The only thing that really matters is having as healthy a baby as possible and providing the love and care that our baby needs.



Sunshine After Rain

My Post Partum Depression Story

New & Expecting Mamas, I’m sorry to be another person to cast a dark shadow on the beautiful, bright, Norman Rockwell fantasy motherhood scenarios many of you may dream of sharing with your new bundle of joy(s). We need to talk about the very real, very scary, and for some reason very stigmatized boogie man: Post Partum Depression (PPD).

I’m not here to preach about PPD as a sickness from a clinical perspective, but to open up about my experience, struggle, and journey to health again. I hope that creating more public dialogue about our experiences with Post-Partum Depression, more mothers will come forward to seek early help without fear.

Beyond “Baby Blues”

Seriously ladies, babies are exhausting! Even the most energetic and resilient moms will have moments where they feel overwhelmed and exhausted, especially at 2am when Jr. just won’t stop crying or feeding. “Baby Blues” are temporary and maybe a trip to Starbucks with a friend, or letting Grandma get her wish of an afternoon with the new baby “So you can sleep, honey,” can help relieve your exhaustion and fortify your spirits.

PPD is so much different. When your crying just won’t stop, you always feel desperate, inadequate (though all mothers feel inadequate periodically), never attached to your baby, empty, numb- not feeling anything at all. These are all indications of PPD, though many other signs can identify this complex condition. Most seriously, anger and suicidal ideation can manifest in Post-Partum Depression. These are never symptoms to ignore. Seek help immediately if this describes you.

Precious Moments Lost

Autumn was born in October 2014. Immediately she had problems nursing. This was a crushing blow to my hopes for motherhood. The only thing that I wanted to do was nurse Autumn for the first year. Everything else I would play by ear. The entire hospital stay was a nightmare of painful feedings, unhelpful lactation consultants, and a feeling that Autumn was someone else’s baby that I was babysitting. *Red Flag!*

Things didn’t get any better when we got home. Her feeding problems persisted and it seemed like she nursed around the clock, but was never satisfied. My nipples were wrecked, she wasn’t getting as much milk as I was making, and I still didn’t feel like a mother. At her doctor’s appointment, she was checked off as gaining weight OK, but I didn’t feel like I was adequately providing for her needs. She cried ALL. THE. TIME. I felt so out of touch with her and hopeless.

I couldn’t handle it. Like, I literally dreaded the days that my husband worked night shifts and I had to brave the seemingly endless nights of painful feeding, constant soothing, screaming from her, tears from me alone. Who was I to complain? Innumerable mothers had valiantly swallowed their discomfort for the sake of their precious bundles of joy. Why couldn’t I buck up and take it like a mom? I felt so ashamed at my feelings of displeasure, borderline unloving, and straight up misery that I didn’t say anything and refused to acknowledge these true issues for months. Months of bonding, joy, and love with my baby were lost because I hid my depression.

Getting Help

After I went back to work, things didn’t improve. As a direct service worker for adults with disabilities, I worked very closely with medical and psychological professionals. After leaving a shift with a client who had a history of severe mental illness, I decided that I needed to get “checked out” for Post Partum Depression. (I think this was March 2015!)

My doctor’s visit wasn’t scary, shameful, or awkward at all. My doctor, (who is now my primary doctor, how cool!) a mom herself, was very compassionate and open about the prevalence of PPD. She did give me a bit of a finger wagging for not coming in sooner, but a concerned, loving one. I was so relieved to have more understanding, hope, and a reason for my feelings. medication and counseling were the best options for me and they helped immensely.

It’s a Journey

Since my original diagnosis of Post Partum Depression, I have “graduated” to Major Depression. That just means that my symptoms didn’t end after the technical Post Partum period. I’m ok with that. I am not ashamed; it’s just a sickness that needs treatment just like my epilepsy. I don’t love being on a bunch of medications for seizures and another for depression and anxiety, but I am beyond grateful to be in a place where I feel love, joy, connection, motivation, and like my daughter’s mother and my husband’s wife.

Power of Prayer

I can’t meditate. I just can’t not “talk” in my mind. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon) and having a personal communicative relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is deeply important to me. Prayer has become my meditation- meditation where I can talk.

I don’t ask to be “healed” in prayers, but I tell Heavenly Father what I’m feeling, the pain that I’m going through, and the anxieties I have. I try to focus on scriptures that empower me and remind me that through Christ’s Atonement He not only saved us from sins, but He felt every pain and affliction we have and ever will experience. Knowing that I am not alone in my pain nor talking to a “brick wall” is some of the best (and free) therapy ever.

Sunshine After Rain

Mama’s new, again-ers,  empty nesters, and everyone in between: let’s not continue to stigmatize and hide our individual stories of depression and mental illness wellness, post partum or otherwise. Speaking up and letting others know that they are not alone can create a closer community of sisterhood, healthy mother-baby relationships, and increase early access to behavioral health.

Take heart, the rain never lasts forever. Even the gloomiest places get pockets of sunshine. Love yourselves, love your babies and families, and know that you are never alone.

Wishing you joy,