Since starting my new position as Domestic Engineer for our family, I haven’t found my groove. I am really struggling to find purpose, meaning, and worth in this new life. While I am a home body, I have never been particularly motivated to do any (like ANY) chores, planning, or crafts outside of my own random ideas. Since I had no mom friends, I looked to mom bloggers for ideas on how to be an excellent mother and wife, while also living a fulfilling and meaningful life.
I’ve been seeing lots of posts about “Being A Proverbs 31 Woman” so I figured, I’d crack open my Bible and check out this passage (Proverbs 31:10-31). I was impressed. The description of a Godly woman in Proverbs 31 is the PERFECT woman and wife. She is a supporter of her husband, a provider for her family, charitable and loving, but also strong and empowered.
This is a woman who is a great model for not only Christian wives, but all wives and mothers. This ideal woman is a far cry from the mousey, subservient one that I’ve always envisioned when pastors and Bible study groups discuss Godly women. She is someone who I would love to know and aspire to be. This passage is truly a turning point for me on my spiritual journey.
I had avoided churches and religion since I was a teenager. I never quite felt that I fit in or that the messages taught were even applicable to my life. Understanding and believing in God, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost, and salvation through Jesus’ atoning sacrifice were easy to swallow and understand. Teachings of life-living and the dreaded “when you’re married” lessons were where they lost me. What 15-year-old wants to be submissive and silent to a hypothetical husband?
In my home growing up, my parents’ marriage was unhealthy and abusive. I had seen a wife who was combative, resentful, bitter, unforgiving, and broken. My model of marriage and family was not anything near the fantasy tales of biblical relationships. The way I had seen it, marriage and family was an “every man for himself” kind of game. My interest and enthusiasm for church and faith deteriorated as my health did, at the same time that life at home had truly become a war zone.
Here I am, 3 years into motherhood, desperately wishing that I knew how to be a loving wife, mother, and productive Keeper-of-the-Home. I’d shied away from potential mom friends since I was pregnant. All were nice, and though we shared experiences like young motherhood, breastfeeding, and locale, there was no “spark” or potential for a lasting friendship.
The few early twenties moms like myself don’t share my holistic and homesteader ideals, but at the same time “older” moms treat me like a child, a project that needs guidance and OBVIOUSLY can’t be doing a good job because of her youth. I needed to expand my horizons and seek fellowship with moms and families that I can share experiences with and seek guidance from. But where are these mystical unicorns of families? We live in rural suburbia, where people work, watch high school football, and go to church!
Here in Fallbrook, there is a whole section of town saturated with churches: Lutheran, Catholic, Episcopalian, Mormon, and 3 Baptist churches, mostly on the same street. Since joining the LDS church, I have met so many moms and wives that embody the Proverbs 31 woman. I love that the Church encourages equal partnership between husband and wife. Now, I am surrounded by families that exemplify unity, shared responsibilities, and place value on homemaking and motherhood.
Am I a Proverbs 31 woman yet? No, not really. My house is messy, I’m exhausted with pregnancy and chasing Autumn around. I am, however, more confident in my abilities in the home and more driven to be an equal partner with my husband. I still strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman, not *for* my husband or anyone else, but for myself.